by Robert White

Bobby “Extremely” White is currently in the middle of P90X, a 90-day work-out regimen that’s growing popularity with swing dance instructors. Each week, he reviews one of the programs 12 exercises, and gives an update on how it’s going and where it hurts.

The second month of P90X goes like this: Day 1: Shoulders, Chest and Triceps, Day 2: Plyometrics, Day 3: Biceps and Back, Day 4: Yoga, Day 5: Legs, Day 6: Kempo (a martial-art type cardio workout), and Day 7: Lying in the fetal position, whimpering (rest day).

DAY 42

I’ve made a huge mistake. Well, not huge, my Other Personal Trainer, Nick Williams tells me. In fact, he seems to think I’ll be fine. Let me explain; when I originally undertook P90X, I decided to only do the workouts and concentrate on the protein regiment, not messing with the intricate meal plan, which requires experience working with NASA. The book, of course, tells you that the meal plan is a CRUCIAL part of P90X; and I’m afraid my results aren’t near as good as they’d be if I had done the meal plan.

P90X veteran and Lindy Hop Champion Nick Williams, however, thinks I’m overreacting, and he’s never really followed the meal plan to a T either and gotten great results. That said, however, I’ve started cooking. Don’t worry, I won’t force you to eat any of it.

First off, the power bars are simply too annoying to eat more than two of them in a day. So, I’ve dug through the nutrition guide, and chosen two meals I can easily cook and stomach, with the intent of eating them a lot. Here they are, and I have to say, I’m very pleased with my choices. They don’t taste like much, but what little they do taste is good and my body likes them a lot more than protein bars.

CHICKEN SCRAMBLE. One can of chicken, a bowl of egg whites, and vegan Italian cheese. Stir and fry. Serves 1,803.

“SAUSAGE” “BISCUIT”. One veggie sausage patty (Morning Star Maple Flavored Sausage is my choice), one whole grain English Muffin. Combine in whatever way you feel necessary.

Workout breakdown: KENPO X

Most P90Xers I talk to would say that Kenpo is probably the easiest of the classic P90X routine, and many say the most fun of the workouts. Other people think it’s a waste of an hour. I go back and forth. If I throw my body into every move like you’re supposed to, it definitely gets me sweating, using my core, and helps me let out some pint-up aggression, most of which is caused by the other work-out videos. (It also helps me do contra-body dance movements.) When I check my heart rate monitor, though, it takes a lot of work to keep it anywhere near my zone, which is good evidence that it’s not that useful. Its primary use is probably as a fat-burning workout.

What it definitely does, though, is give people just enough martial arts training for them to think they can do Kung Fu, and actually be totally ineffective at it. Another down side to this workout is you have to do it four times before you get comfortable with all the movements so you don’t have to spend half the reps trying to figure out which hand should be hooking, and which should be jabbing.

Here are a few tricks I’ve heard of: If you have the money, Nick Williams recommends replacing the P90X Kenpo with P90X Plus Kenpo, a more recent exercise Tony created that ups the stakes and gets the workout done in only 40 minutes. I’ve done it with him before and liked it a lot.

Or, a professional work-out reviewer recommended simply putting in your own preferred cardio work-out in place of Kenpo; such as running, kick-boxing, or playing with children. They seemed to think it wasn’t a problem, and from what I can tell, it might even be more useful.

Afterthought: I was in Denver, staying at a house with a circle type patio in the middle of their back yard, surrounded by small trees. I did Kenpo on it on a windy day, and had a great time, because I basically felt like I was in my own private Bruce Lee-like training nature circle of death. It was one of the few instances where traveling with a workout was much better than doing it at home. Also, the guy in the back looks like he’s hardly doing anything. How is his heart rate 160? Is he a really-good-looking 85?

Choice Tony Horton Quote: (Hurts hand while sticking it in front of a block) “Oww! See? It works.”

Workout Song: Let’s go with old school. “You’re the best (Around)” by Joe Esposito, from the Karate Kid soundtrack.

The Next Day, I feel maybe a little more invigorated and energetic. That’s about it.

X-TREME COSTS
I had to buy some 12 pound weights because I want to up some of the 10 pound exercises, but 15 pounds is too much. I think, for getting better results, it’s an unavoidable cost. $25.

Protein! $50

TOTAL COST SO FAR: Approx. $1,140

X-TREME EPICURISM:

I’ve currently stopped rating energy bars, mainly because there are so many that simply taste like sawdust. The Clif Builders Bars are currently the only ones I can stomach regularly. However, as I’ve mentioned above, I’ve started upping my natural-ish food intake; Here’s what I love to eat:

Canned White Chicken or Canned Dolphin-Safe Tuna. One who can cost about $1.50, and carries 30g protein (if you eat both its servings at once). My Personal Trainer, Marty Klempner, lives off of these things. It might seem weird to eat them right out of the can, but after one or two, I got used to it and found it rather delicious. My dinner sometimes is simply a piece of fruit and a can, and it’s hard to get a meal cheaper than that. Warnings: there’s good canned Chicken (I prefer Swanson) and there’s bad canned chicken. (Stop & Shop canned chicken) Also, if you go the Tuna route, you might want to throw it on the stove for a few minutes.

Blue Diamond Salted Smokehouse Almonds. Meth, in nut form.

V8 Fusion. Okay, so this isn’t a protein substance, but it is a great thing for those, like myself, who don’t eat a lot of vegetables. It’s a combination of carrot juice and a bunch of fruit juices that cover up the carrot juice, and it’s a good source of your daily servings of both veggies and fruit. There’s three or four flavors, but the Acai berry is my personal favorite.

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